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Marriage Jokes > The guide to wife translations
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The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision
should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset
you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave
and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out
the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so
inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting,
furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs
are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it
there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were
almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for
something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love
me?
The wife means: I did something today
you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes
and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to
communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your
doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used
to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is
a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with
enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and
walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this
is important!

In answer to the question "What's
wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an
idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about
it.
The wife means: I'm still building up
steam


Submitted by: Anonymous

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